• Son needs dress slacks, rush to store and herd him into the fitting rooms. Eeek! That’s dark blue, not black – back to the rack I go.
• The wedding favors need to be completed (about 180) – Done!
• Paper doilies need to be rolled into cone shapes and tied with ribbon. The cones will be filled with rose petals and given to the guests sitting on either side of the aisle in order to throw over the bride and groom after the ceremony. We have no suitable ribbon, "Mom, will you be able to go by the store and pick up some ribbon?" An hour later, Mom hasn’t returned. I call her house, "Hi Mom, where’s the ribbon?" She forgot. Graeme rushes out the pick up ribbon. Cones are finally done.
• Ice tea needs to be made. I have never made ice tea in my life – it can’t be too hard, can it? I fill up pots with water on the stove and line the edges with Lipton Tea bags and start the water to boil. The little paper flags at the end of the tea bag string catch on fire. Graeme laughs – I scream. Finally tea has been made – caterer will have to dilute to taste.
• Lyrics to a song that the guests are to sing during the ceremony have to be written up, formatted (two to a page), nice font and font color (to match the bridesmaid’s dresses) selected and then printed onto linen paper (to match the order of service). Each sheet needs to be cut in half and then inserted into each order of service (230). Think slow ink jet printer. We run out of the special linen paper. Graeme rushes out again and goes to no less than four stores before he finds the correct paper. Programs are finally stuffed.
• I frantically call my oldest brother to go out to the wedding site to make the punch base. It’s not rocket science, just pour all the ingredients (thawed orange juice and lemonade, pineapple juice, etc.) and stir. The frozen rings with maraschino cherries are already done. Brother shows reluctance. In disgust, "never mind, I’ll do it!"

Two Hours to Wedding~

• Graeme and I speed over to the wedding site and begin throwing punch ingredients into a pot. Explain to caterer to pour punch base into punch bowl and then add 7-up to taste. Use sliced oranges and lemons, along with the frozen maraschino cherry rings for decoration. Add sorbet just before service. Ack! We forgot the sorbet in sister’s freezer!
• Graeme and I then rush by sister’s house again to pick up the kids and speed off to motel. I slap makeup on my face, comb my hair. "Kids turn up the AC, I’m having a hot flash." I squeeze into my nylons and dress. Yell at kids to hurry up. "Honey, how do I look?" "You look fine." FINE?! Pout. I wanted to see that "whoa baby" look in his eye.
• Rush back to sister’s house, yell at someone to take sorbet over to wedding site.

One Hour to Wedding~

• Sister informs me that place cards for head table need to be printed on the ivory, not white, place cards. Also, because we couldn’t finish the individual guest list place cards, the table assignments have to be typed up, in fancy font and color (that matches the bridesmaid’s dresses) on the special linen paper.
• Sister insists that fancy photo frames be purchased to hold the table assignment lists.
• Sister and Brother-in-law leave for wedding.
• Sister takes the head table-seating chart to give to the wedding coordinator.

Half-Hour to Wedding~

• I am sitting at computer trying to make the formatting work. Insert ivory place cards into printer (think slow ink jet printer) only to discover I printed on the wrong side. Graeme refuses to wait any longer and, "No, we’re not going to the store to buy fancy frames for the table assignment lists. The wedding starts in ten minutes."

Five minutes to wedding~

• We skid into a parking place. Graeme goes over to find seats for us (back row – groom’s side). I find the wedding coordinator to ask where the head table-seating chart is. We can’t find it.
• Bride and bridesmaids are preparing to walk down the aisle. Wedding coordinator tells me to go look in the garage where her things are. I rush over and frantically search – nothing!

Minus Five Minutes After Wedding Begins~

• I rush back to the ceremony area and sulk around the back. The bride is already down the aisle. I assault the wedding coordinator, "where is that list?!" "Let’s check my car." Nothing!
• We rush back to the pavilion and interrogate the waiters and caterers. Nothing!
• I lay the guest table assignment sheets in the designated area. My sister’s going to kill me because I didn’t get the frames.
• Meanwhile, back at the ceremony, my sister leans over to my daughter and whispers, "Did your mom get the frames?" Daughter replies, "I know nothing." Good girl!
• The head table place cards? I throw them away. I tell the wedding coordinator, "You handle it," and I stomp off to the ceremony.
• I slink into the back row; the ceremony is nearly over.

After a couple of drinks and some venting I begin to relax and enjoy myself.